Beginnings Fade

I can see how that feeling of beginnings, of being en route to somewhere, of possibility, will begin to fade as I grow older. And I'll have this feeling of waking up, when I think to myself "This is it, right now. This is how it looks; this is how it feels. The path towards it is living it."

So, I've been told I'm smart. It's not given me much return so far, with the exception of words. At some point, very recently, words stopped being enough. It looks like I've become a "grown up" in the last remaining sense. It all drowning out the light under which anything I've done or loved with real passion ever made any sense.

Finding Freedom —"Recipe for Prison Pruno"

Take 10 peeled oranges,
Jarvis Masters, it is the judgment and sentence of this
          Court
one 8-oz. can of fruit cocktail,
that the charged information was true,
squeeze the fruit into a small plastic bag,
and the jury having previously, on said date,
and put the juice along with the mash inside;
found that the penalty shall be death,
add 16 oz. of water and seal the bag tightly.
and this Court having, on August 20, 1991,
Place the bag into your sink,
denied your motion for a new trial,
and heat it with hot running water for 15 minutes.
it is the order of this Court that you suffer death,
Wrap towels around the bag to keep it warm for
          fermentation.
said penalty to be inflicted within the walls of San
          Quentin,
Stash the bag in your cell undisturbed for 48 hours.
at which place you shall be put to death,
When the time has elapsed,
in the manner prescribed by law,
add 40 to 60 cubes of white sugar,
the date later to be fixed by the Court in warrant of
          execution.
6 teaspoons of ketchup,
You are remanded to the custody of the warden of San
          Quentin,
then heat again for 30 minutes.
to be held by him pending final
Secure the bag as before,
determination of your appeal.
than stash it undisturbed again for 72 hours.
It is so ordered.
Reheat daily for 15 minutes.
In witness whereof,
After 72 hours,
I have hereon set my hand as Judge of this Superior
          court,
with a spoon, skim off the mash;
and I have caused the seal of this Court to be affixed
          thereto.
pour the remaining portion into two 16-oz. cups.
May God have mercy on your soul,
Guzzle down quickly!
Mr. Jarvis Masters.
Gulp Gulp Gulp!

source:  http://www.freejarvis.org/text/recipe.html