Slow Motion See Me Let Go

SLOW MOTION 

Third Eye Blind

"Miss Jones taught me English 
But I think I just shot her son 
'Cause he owed me money 
With a bullet in the chest you cannot run 
Now he's bleeding in a vacant lot 
The one in the summer where we used to smoke pot 
I guess I didn't mean it 
But man, you shoulda seen it 
His flesh explode "

I used to listen to this song on repeat, on DXM. It all made me feel like I was dying, peacefully under water. Because it made losing control okay. 

"...and her nose starts to bleed - a most beautiful ruby red"

Because it made destruction beautiful.

"Urban life decay...I shut the door to her moaning, and aI shoot smack in my veins."

"See my neighbor's beating his wife 
Because he hates his life 
There's a knock to his fist as he swings 
Oh man, what a beautiful thing "

"And death slides close to me "

Because it was such a soft, gentle song, by a band I used to listen to when I was 11 years old, and they made this song with gentle piano notes about abuse and destruction and needles and sex and murder and domestic violence. And it is truly beautiful. The song, the lyrics, the feeling. 

sleep & happiness so far away so hard to attain

I just want two things right now

1) to be able to sleep

2) to be relatively happy

Why are these so impossibly fucking hard?

All the time, 

ALL. THE. TIME. 

I just want to know when did it get so complicated from the time I caught a glimpse of your handwriting and thought "you were meant for me," from the the time when we were just two hurting, awkward, dyed-haired teenagers who loved each other to death and wanted nothing more in the world but to lay in bed together for just a few hours? Why does the world insist so on getting in the way of that?