Remake of A.W. Sandberg's Klovnen PLS

I would like to will into the world, a remake of KLOVNEN, with Lily Cole as Daisy, and Alan Cumming as Joe Higgins.

I am not yet sure of the best-fitting director. Just. Please.

To Frankenstein, To Dracula

I have imaged myself this way, over and over again. To escape everything bare toes gripping along mossy boughed branches in the night, white chiffon and gossamer flowing behind me. Bloodied, starved and not giving a shit. Bottle of sweet red wine clutched beneath my arm, and, most importantly, a horrifying, transporting, old, old story book under the other. Not a person or a computer or goddamn cell phone in sight. Just the dark, the woods, and enough light to read by, to stay a while, to escape to whatever place I open the page to. To Frankenstein, to Dracula, to Carmilla.

Young and Beautiful - Lana Del Rey

Young and Beautiful - Lana Del Rey

from The Great Gatsby

KLOVNEN

'KLOVNEN' by A.W. Sandberg (1926) tonight @ the SF Silent Film Festival has been my favorite so far of four screenings. Accompanied by a Swedish orchestra, the music along with the outpour of emotion evoked so singularly by the best silent film actors, Gösta Ekman (not to mention his incredible makeup that gets progressively darker throughout the film) was exquisite, and utterly heartbreaking. 

This clip doesn't do the whole context of the film justice, but it captures some of its excruciatingly sad beauty.

It Takes An Ocean Not To Break

He said he used to listen to this at the beginning. How much more appropriate it seems for now instead. Just one thing of so much that he will have given me. 

Terrible Love

THE NATIONAL

It's a terrible love and I'm walking with spidersIt's a terrible love and I'm walking inIt's a terrible love and I'm walking with spidersIt's a terrible love and I'm walking in
It's quiet companyIt's quite a company
It's a terrible love and I'm walking with spidersIt's a terrible love and I'm walking inIt's a terrible love and I'm walking with spidersIt's a terrible love and I'm walking in
It's quite a companyIt's quite a companyIt's quite a company
And I can't fall asleepWithout a little helpIt takes a lot to settle downI sailed a boat into the past except
It takes an ocean not to breakIt takes an ocean not to breakIt takes an ocean not to breakIt takes an ocean not to break company
It's quiet companyIt's quiet company
But I won't follow you into the rabbit holeI said I would but then I sawYour shiver bonesThey didn't want me to
It's a terrible love and I'm walking with spidersIt's a terrible love and I'm walking inIt's a terrible love and I'm walking with spidersIt's a terrible love and I'm walking in
It takes an ocean not to breakIt takes an ocean not to breakIt takes an ocean not to break

3:35 am

And I had just finally begun to feel loneliness in that real way, where there is someone you fundamentally need.

I had only just barely allowed myself to open up in that way, and really feel it.

And now I'll just be left with that loneliness that that one won't be there to fill. I'll be left with torn down defenses. Let the world flood me like it did before.

And I'll attack. And I'll attack. And I'll attack myself.

Until I am numb again.

But these are just feelings. What I'll really hope, is that we can both be fulfilled, happy, strong, whether that's together or apart.

I'm just tired of feeling that i can do no right.

Vent Frais, Vent Du Matin

Remembering from the piece I just posted ending with the Old Abram Brown children's choir song, that I used to sing in a choir at the French school when I was a kid. I remember hearing them perform before I took part when I was 6 or 7, and I was chilled by the sound they made, and thought "I want to make that sound". So I joined. We had an amazing teacher who gave us these beautiful, haunting songs like Old Abram Brown, which never struck me as strange or creepy at the time (and not now either but some people seem to think so), but just, chillingly beautiful. When I heard it in Moonrise Kingdom, a film that struck me from the first time so close to my heart and always, always will, I remembered that time from my childhood, and that I did that. I even won an award for my singing. Kind of sad I guess because now I never sing except to myself in the shower, I chant sometimes when I'm lonely but the only things I ever seen to remember are a few yoga chants and the lyrics to "I'm Not An Addict" by K's Choice (of all the songs I listen to over and over and over I wonder why that one is the one I always remember). Here is another one we used to sing, though it's not my favorite version I could find; we never had the stupid bells and crappy jazz drums with it:

But I loved being able to join in with other voices and make this sound; I often had solos.

Here are the lyrics, and for extra fun, what I found when I was searching for them - French instructions

• Demandez à votre enfant de découper et coller la chanson "Vent frais"dans son cahier de chants et de l'illustrer.
• L'illustration du texte, permet de vérifier la bonne compréhension du texte, oral pour les plus jeunes et écrit pour ceux qui savent lire.

"Vent frais

Vent frais, vent du matin,

Vent qui souffle au sommet des grands pins,

Joie du vent qui souffle, allons dans le grand

Vent frais ..."

I remember so enjoying what felt like darkness in this song. The mental image of running headlong into the great wind blowing through pine trees. Feeling the joy of that wind, being one with it with the power of the music we made with our own vocal cords and our memoies of the notes and the words and nothing else.