SOMETHING I CAN NEVER HAVE

NIN

I still recall the taste of your tears.
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.
Scraping through my head 'till I don't want to sleep anymore.


You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I'm down to just one thing.
And I'm starting to scare myself.
You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I just want something.
I just want something I can never have


You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now.
This thing is slowly taking me apart.
Grey would be the color if I had a heart.


Come on tell meYou make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I'm down to just one thing.
And I'm starting to scare myself.
You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I just want something.
I just want something I can never have

In this place it seems like such a shame.
Though it all looks different now,
I know it's still the same
Everywhere I look you're all I see.
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be.

Come on tell me
You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I'm down to just one thing.
And I'm starting to scare myself.
You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I just want something.
I just want something I can never have
I just want something I can never have

As Close As I'll Ever Get to Jesus

I can't stop listening to this. It gives me chills.

What happens when life breaks down?

When there is systemic contradiction?

My name symbolized all that was corrupt to society.

His name symbolized all that was pure.

And I was being hailed in the embrace of the man who was pure.

And these inviolable sanctities were preserved in those ten words.

And it is the de-sacralization of all of these that has put us in the mess that we find ourselves.

Isn't it true, alas it is much worse.

A person may end up believing in anything.

You know, if that human acceptance does so much for you and me.

Think of what it is when God himself puts his arms around you and says

"Welcome home".

gone (blog author's poem)

the colours and lines 

of violence wrapped 
around limbs, speak:

souls are holes torn open.

strain only fear 
strictness and balm
not real at all.

loneliness is shadows at the edge of near-periphery
where color-blindness starts

home is an empty horrific
nostalgia

familiar, comfort, carnivore

the aegis of that dark...

midnight-sky-heavy, 
keeps bones 
dead-star warm

∆AIMON Into The Night

Everything about this is how I feel right now. Can't get out of the Black Lodge. Can't stop screaming or crying just, suspended in that place.

Listening to Witchhouse and painting demons.

(original by Julie Cruise)

Into the night
I cry out
I cry out your name.
Into the night
I search out
I swearch out your love.
Night so dark
Where are you? 
Come back in my heart
So dark
So dark.

Into the night
Shadows fall
Shadows fall so blue.
I cry out
I cry out for you.

Night so dark
Where are you? 
Come back in my heart
So dark
So dark
So dark.

Keep Your Candles Burning, Make Bright and Clear Your Path...

I'm sure this is an unoriginal heartbreak song. I don't care. 

NICK CAVE - Into My Arms

I don't believe in an interventionist God
But I know, darling, that you do
But if I did I would kneel down and ask Him
Not to intervene when it came to you
Not to touch a hair on your head
To leave you as you are
And if He felt He had to direct you
Then direct you into my arms

Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms

And I don't believe in the existence of angels
But looking at you I wonder if that's true
But if I did I would summon them together
And ask them to watch over you
To each burn a candle for you
To make bright and clear your path
And to walk, like Christ, in grace and love
And guide you into my arms

Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms

And I believe in Love
And I know that you do too
And I believe in some kind of path
That we can walk down, me and you
So keep your candles burning
And make her journey bright and pure
That she will keep returning
Always and evermore

Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms

Quietness

Inside this new love, die.
Your way begins on the other side.
Become the sky.
Take an axe to the prison wall.
Escape.
Walk out like someone suddenly born into color.
Do it now.
You are covered with thick cloud.
Slide out the side. Die.
and be quiet. Quietness is the surest sign
that you have died.
Your old life was a frantic running
from silence.

The speechless full moon
comes out now.

RUMI

And The Air Is Full Of Promises, Well Buddy, You've Been Warned

I Let Love In

NICK CAVE

Despair and Deception, Love's ugly little twins
Came a-knocking on my door, I let them in
Darling, you're the punishment for all of my former sins

I let love in
I let love in

The door it opened just a crack, but Love was shrewed and bold
My life flashed before my eyes, it was a horror to behold
A life-sentence sweeping confetti from the floor of a concrete hole

I let love in
I let love in
I let love in
I let love in

Well I've been bound and gagged and I've been terrorized
And I've been castrated and I've been lobotomized
But never has my tormenter come in such a cunning disguise

I let love in
I let love in
I let love in
I let love in

O Lord, tell me what I done
Please don't leave me here alone
Where are my friends?
My friends are gone

O Lord, tell me what I done
Please don't leave me here alone
Where are my friends?
My friends are gone

I let love in
I let love in

So if you're sitting all alone and hear a-knocking at you door
and the air is full of promises, well buddy, you've been warned
Far worse to be Love's lover than the lover that Love has scorned

I let love in
I let love in
I let love in
I let love in
I let love in
I let love in
I let love in
I let love in

I know when I've landed on Nick Cave again, oceans are moving inside my soul, I have reached a place of truth and calm and change.