There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn’t true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true.

Just dark, smooth, heavy, sad. Like syrup without the sweetness.

Just rhythm without melody. Chorus without song. All without purpose. I don't know why we, those of us of contemporary society, do what we do.

There is so much more taking place beyond what we are willing to acknowledge, beyond what we are willing to see, to let in to our experience, and collectively we habitually simply fail to recognize it. By choice? Because we don't believe it? We don't want to see anything beyond our small insipid bubbles? Our tiny little material and materialist worlds? Other cultures and societies have, and do. Why am I stuck in this one? How have I ended up here?

I'm suffocating. The only relief I find is through music, through reading, and through art (drugs & alcohol too, but it's artificial relief not authentic, replaces a feeling I would have were I genuinely happy). Art allows us to see something magical, allows for the play of so many of the senses, provocative, comforting, disturbing. Sex has the power to do that too. To quote Murakami, and I think David Lynch said something similar, which is why sex always precedes some strange moment of transition in his films : "Sex is a key to enter a spirit. It's similar to dreams. Sex is like a dream when you are awake; I think dreams are collective. Some parts do not belong to yourself." 


I work 8-5, and it simply does not flow for me to live my life this way. 

This is what I feel like right now:

And this is how I feel about most people in general all the time, especially in large groups:

“I have just now come from a party where I was its life and soul; witticisms streamed from my lips, everyone laughed and admired me, but I went away — yes, the dash should be as long as the radius of the earth's orbit ——————————— and wanted to shoot myself.” - Kierkegaard