Dancing, Sweating, Screaming

Lost voice, lost earring, lost one contact lens (wtf?), bruised legs, bruised knuckles, elbows & back, elbowed in face, wardrobe malfunctions had to crowd surf to the front to fix them – Marilyn Manson show was amazing, and provided much of the aggression release that I don't often recognize how much I need until the rare times when I get it. Pounding boots into the ground slamming fists, jumping, dancing, sweating, screaming gives me a sense of peace, a way to give express and respect to the raging that goes on inside of my soul, give it release, and calm me in between waterfall walls of sound, and losing oneself. Almost akin to meditation, the degree to which it soothes what burns in me.

(this isn't my video - I don't like taking videos at concerts, I'd rather watch the performance, but I'm glad other people do).

And I am grateful to have a husband who puts up with this about me, or rather, is willing to ride the churning waves while I make mistakes and learn.

Green

The weekend was filled with love & fam. Hiking and beers with Dad, relaxing with Step-Mom & Nana. Monday, painting. Finally getting out to the natural world was quite soothing to the soul.

 

  

 

 

The Nietzschean Idea of Devolution in a Diagram - i.e. Everyone Sucks and is Stupid

This pretty much captures my general sentiment toward most of humanity

Circa 2007

I keep forgetting my friend D made this "portrait" of me years ago. It used to be put to badass music but Youtube stripped it b/c of copyright infringement. Just put on some Sneaker Pimps or Die Form, then Miss Kittin. 

That's All

i love you boundlessly.

I want nothing more, 

then to, just, be around you.

I'm cleaning up, then. 

I'm coming to bed.

Phillhelenes

How Science Saved My Soul

This is truly beautiful, intelligent, articulately expressed without being sterile, and so very worth watching

One of my favorite aspects of this is that the author/creator does not include any information about himself that I can find.

What the fuck really

Artifice of candle-lit
ice tricks.

electronic world
White, blue

Not a day of reprieve from the flickering deadness
I stare at it. Utter staring.

addicted. luminescence, luminoscience*

I've got this
perfect creature
sleeping next to me

poems in cut off lines reminds me of a dream I had once
about one of those desirable little houses on a desirable little hill that promises happiness but lies

this moment
over taken

hijacked by drugs, by alcohol, by grave lack of sleep

I have this exquisite creature sleeping next to me, and over
the last two years I've learned above all that my own desires and wants and insipid little needs
can be supplanted
with something higher
recognize the sacrifice.
It fulfills, rather than simply filling
without waste of time of life of devotion of passion of loyalty.

I married this boy. We have struggled. Right now, still restless, but with a potentially beautiful future before us
Restless because...I'm waiting? for this all to take shape?

Somehow I don't believe in the panacea of that, not absolutely. It will be hard, and there will be challenges. But the ones with challenges are the real gifts to me.

This was, initially, set out to be an exposition on how happy I am, which indeed I am. Though, lovely thing about writing: it reveals to you depths hidden even from yourself. SO, what is it? I have had maybe 5 hours of sleep over the past two days.

Thank god for benzos. NOW LET'S ALL FUCK OURSELVES AND RAPE THE WORLD !!!!!! (Negative Sex - IAMX). Let me rock out with my cock out.


***caveat pls I was very drunk when I wrote this* I do plan to fix it in the morning...

Love, M

* i know this is not a real word