What the fuck really

Artifice of candle-lit
ice tricks.

electronic world
White, blue

Not a day of reprieve from the flickering deadness
I stare at it. Utter staring.

addicted. luminescence, luminoscience*

I've got this
perfect creature
sleeping next to me

poems in cut off lines reminds me of a dream I had once
about one of those desirable little houses on a desirable little hill that promises happiness but lies

this moment
over taken

hijacked by drugs, by alcohol, by grave lack of sleep

I have this exquisite creature sleeping next to me, and over
the last two years I've learned above all that my own desires and wants and insipid little needs
can be supplanted
with something higher
recognize the sacrifice.
It fulfills, rather than simply filling
without waste of time of life of devotion of passion of loyalty.

I married this boy. We have struggled. Right now, still restless, but with a potentially beautiful future before us
Restless because...I'm waiting? for this all to take shape?

Somehow I don't believe in the panacea of that, not absolutely. It will be hard, and there will be challenges. But the ones with challenges are the real gifts to me.

This was, initially, set out to be an exposition on how happy I am, which indeed I am. Though, lovely thing about writing: it reveals to you depths hidden even from yourself. SO, what is it? I have had maybe 5 hours of sleep over the past two days.

Thank god for benzos. NOW LET'S ALL FUCK OURSELVES AND RAPE THE WORLD !!!!!! (Negative Sex - IAMX). Let me rock out with my cock out.


***caveat pls I was very drunk when I wrote this* I do plan to fix it in the morning...

Love, M

* i know this is not a real word