It was my birthday yesterday. I, and he, worked hard for a few very potent and real and important moments make the day a beautiful one. And we did it all day today, until the very end we lost it.
I dreamt last night of me hiding a corpse - separated pieces I placed them all on a blanket perfectly on the ground in our home, her mouth gaping open and decrepit of course, her hair up, her head, and legs separated from her torso. In the dream I was worried by husband would come home and ask "what are you doing with that?" And he did. He asked me in the dream, and he asked my decapitated, de-limbed corpse, in real life.
So, I sweat and work and fuck myself again and again on the goddamn machines that pull the sweat the life the fight out of me so I stop fighting. And I listen to Rammstein on repeat as loud as it goes to save my heart and save my soul (and save my godforesaken body)
It was better than this for a few moments, but then, it wasn't.
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